Me: Hey, a reindeer sweater…thanks gran, it’s uh, uhm…exactly what I wanted!
Gran: Pleasure honey, you can wear it on your date with that lovely young girl you’ve been seeing.
Me: *Awkward silence*
Gran: And you can wear the nice warm underwear Aunty May got you! Then your crown jewels will stay warm. Its cold out, you know….
[Entire family laugh raucously]
Me: *flees room in terror*
We all know the feeling… the awkward gifts, the ugly gifts, the inappropriate gifts and the gifts you don’t want to open. And then the pressure to act happy about the new toaster, the need to smile and marvel at the knitted long-johns with a butt flap, and the slobbery thank-you kisses for the 7th itchy reindeer sweater.
To avoid receiving the 8th reindeer sweater this year, I decided to compile the ultimate anti-gift list: the top 5 things you don’t want for Christmas. Feel free to pop the list into every bad-gift-givers post box. Every day. To make sure the message comes across clearly. There’s also an added benefit to this list… but you’ll see what that is 😉
There is NO way to make a scale seem like a good gift. None whatsoever. Even if it has chocolate piled on top and the original Star Wars cast signatures printed on it, there is just no way a scale does not scream “Lose weight!” And that is a really sucky Christmas message! (Perhaps a voucher for a dispensary or a store that stocks scales would be better if you really want to go the scale way…)
Lingerie from your parents. Or from your in-laws. Let’s just get that out there – this is beyond awkward. And socks. Those might not seem so awkward, but have you tried being happy about a pair of polka dot socks when your sibling unwraps an Xbox? That can make for an awkward grin of note.
Christmas, not only a season to be jolly, but also to consume copious amounts of food – scrumptious roast dinners, delectable cookies and mince pies and mountains of chocolate Santas and candy canes. And Aunt Wilma’s rock solid fruit cake. It’s all there – a feast for tummy and palate alike. So why wrap up a store-bought Christmas cake and put it under the tree?
A new hand mixer, whoop whoop! (Hubby goes to sleep in the dog box…) Unless if the recipient asked for kitchen utensils, is a serious foodie or your kitchen utensil is revolutionary (perhaps a toaster that can whistle Dixie while making coffee?), perhaps rather settle for something more innovative!
“Merry Christmas! Here’s a pet tarantula! They’re really easy to take care of…. Hey, why are you running away?!” Whilst deciding to get a pet, choosing one from the shelter (or the shop) and getting excited about your new fur-baby (or scaly-baby) is fantastic, receiving a pet you had not wished or budgeted for, have no space for or are petrified of is less great…
Here’s hoping your Christmas is filled with awesome gifts! Also, now you know what not to buy for your loved ones…. #Your’reWelcome